Hollywood love affair splits at seams
June Rawltkoo, Star Gazer
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Forget whatever other news you might have read today! I know you're wondering what could possibly be more important than what's happening in Iraq or what the Pope's saying in Rome, but I think the answer should be obvious. Kristin Cavallari cheated on Nick Lachey with her ex! That's right, my wide-eyed friends. This genuine, mature, one-month long relationship is actually over.
What's worse is how I'm sure no one saw it coming. That's because celebrity relationships are never for publicity or career advancement. No, quite the contrary. They are deep, sincere, and full of potential. Kristin and Nick, in particular, was one the watching world had high hopes for. Who would have thought that this perfect match between a 19-year old who wanted to date someone famous to get her unknown name out there, and this 32-year old who wanted to make his ex-wife jealous, would have ended in such a way. It's just heart-wrenching...tragic really.
But don't weep for Kristin my fellow Regis star-gazers. (Wow that pun was pathetic) Although we all empathize with the ripping sorrow of ending this relationship, we can take some solace in the fact that she is far from popular or famous. That's right, she'll have to date and "break the hearts" of a lot more celebrities before she gets anything more than a little article in the middle of "Star" magazine. (Oh, and don't weep for Nick either because he dated someone 13 years younger than him.)
Still, in an exclusive interview that I took out of some other magazine Nick actually admits that he knew Kristin was just using him for the press. Can you believe how traumatic that is? It really is shocking; if I were Nick I would so write her a note saying he didn't like her anyway and have a friend pass it up to her desk during biology class! Oh wait, that's high school. Sorry everyone, I got confused.
Anyway, although we'll all need some time to recover from this blow and learn to believe again that love is possible, I'm sure we'll be astounded at these stars' resiliency. Just to predict some of the headlines you may find in the check-out line at your local Safeway this week: Jennifer Aniston moves on-with Nick Lachey, Nick-Lachey moves on with Angelina Jolie after she dumps Brad, and Kristin Cavallari continues to attempt to become famous by dating Donald Trump!
But if you'd rather read real news, or flip the page of this paper in search of something less mind-numbing I applaud you! Just reading enough about Kristin and Nick to be able to properly make fun of it took my IQ down, well until next time-keep watching the stars!