The Highlander

The elusion that I have power is laughable to me. In addition to large amounts of notoriety (an increasing problem, just last week I had to run away from a large group of WBT fans), I have had people lobbying to make it into my column. At first it was just friends who wanted their name mentioned, which is not a big problem at all, but now I have everyone from my little sister (who reads the column on-line) to librarians and professors soliciting me to write articles about what bugs them. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I even knew anyone read my article. I realized that people did, in fact, read WBT after my column on clapping. For about two days I couldn't go anywhere without people throwing their wrists, palms, and phalanges in my face as they slapped their skin together only to pull it away and do it again. People have offered column topics to me that include everything from the extra piece of paper when you print off documents (an interesting thought since we are now limited to 1,000 pages per semester. Technically, you could double this if you only print one page at a time because every print job has that annoying and worthless divider page.) to the weather and one suggestion to write about the empty tampon machines in the bathrooms. I started this column because my friends say I have a goofy sense of humor and now everyone seems to be bothered by idiosyncrasies like mine. Today the funniest thing happened. Someone came up to me and begged me NOT to write an article about something going on on-campus. First of all, I am completely flattered that they would think of me as someone whose opinion the university body considers worth reading. Secondly, I am impressed with their total lack of self-confidence that they would worry about me poking fun at them. I guess I would offer everyone this piece of advice criteria: If before your action is announced or underway, you can forsee someone devastatingly making fun of you, its probably not a great idea to begin with. Now I am not going to tell you the organization (I promised mums the word) but I will tell you that I think it is absolutely silly that anyone would worry about a column ripping them to shreds. I have been a member of many organizations, many events, many planning committees and never has a column in a newspaper printed every seventh day been a logical obstacle to cross. That being said, if anyone has been offended or irreparably damaged by anything I have written, I am deeply sorry. Have a good week everyone.

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