Welcome to Accounting Town
Luke Stolz, Contributing Columnist
I would like to start this article out with an apology. The reason that I am saying sorry is that I feel like I have let you, the accounting fan, down. By not contributing my column the last couple of weeks, I regret that I have possibly left a void in people's lives: a void that can only be satisfied by the sweet sensation that is accounting. I hope that with this column I can supply another sickly sweet dose of accounting you all so desperately need.
After taking all of the classes and graduating with an accounting degree, what do you do? When somebody asks you this question, simply laugh in there face and say, "Anything I want." In fact, having an accounting degree coming out of college is the second best degree to have, the first being nursing. Accounting majors can do whatever their hearts desire. Well, maybe not anything because accounting majors cannot be fighter pilots or professional bass anglers. Not yet at least. However, accountants can do many different things. There is tax, auditing, assurance, consulting, and much, much more. I know that these all sound fun and glamorous, but we also do work that an adoring, star-struck public doesn't appreciate.
Not only are there many different things that accountants can do, but they are highly sought after as well. The reason is that everybody needs accountants. Everybody from the Cincinnati Bengals to your weird cousin Sheldon. You see future accountants of America: all people need accountants to do their various jobs. Every working person in the country has to file taxes but most people do not know how to do them. This is our time to shine. You see when people need their taxes done, they come to us and then we can charge them whatever we want. Take that non-accounting jerks.
Tax is not the only thing we do, as I mentioned earlier. People need us for everything. In fact, it is well documented that accountants run the world from an underground lab deep below the earth's crust. Seriously, accountants run this joint. In fact, if it were not for accountants, this world would be in shambles. I believe this to be true with every ounce of my being. Go ahead and try to deny it. Eventually, you will realize the error of your ways and reach a point that I call "accounting bliss." When you reach this nirvana-like state of clarity, you will finally see the true glory of the basic accounting equation and realize that, not so long ago, you shouldn't have punched that nerdy looking accountant in the back of the neck.
By writing this article I believe that I have fulfilled my duty to accountants everywhere. Hopefully you have learned something and you will see what a magnificent profession accounting is. However, if you do not yet understand, just know that accountants are always keeping track of you, watching, and furiously calculating the insignificance of your non-accounting selves.